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Comcast, likely terrified of losing margins in the TV business, is experimenting with ways to arbitrarily tax its broadband customers by offering them "unlimited" data plans.

These caps have nothing to do with network congestion and everything to do with collecting as much rent as possible from tenants who often have no choice.

For years ISPs have clamored about a mobile data crunch that never materialized to justify data caps and outrageous prices, and wouldn’t you know it, now they have the solution.

After years of aggressively trying to cull the herd of people who still remember the meaning of the word "unlimited," they’re rebranding it as something special and new. Even the landline ISPs are using the same spin now, because their siblings in the mobile business have perfected the art of squeezing customers for access to data.

Mark Zuckerberg founded Facebook in his college dorm room six years ago.

Five hundred million people have joined since, and eight hundred and seventy-nine of them are his friends.

It sounds like a sweet deal, and many customers will benefit! When John Herrman writes that the next internet is TV — and you should believe him — this is part of how we get there.

‘A potato’ was not included in statistical analysis given the bewigged potato’s physical indistinguishability from the Mayor himself.

Most subjects were recruited for consumer surveys through pop-up adverts on the lactation fetish pages of several popular pornographic websites; others were kidnapped on the street; some were grown and have lived here their entire lives, consuming nothing but weak tea and re-runs of BBC panel shows.

Subjects were asked to evaluate Boris Johnson’s performance in a number of Mayoral duties: leading an army of warriors against the goblin menace, pushing back the tide as it creeps up the Thames in his quest for a new airport, initiating a nuclear attack on Argentina, nursing a newborn fawn at his lactating teat, baking a tray of delicious muffins, and dangling from a zipline.

The most popular non-tuberal responses were (in descending order) a dead pigeon on the pavement, the pudenda, standard issue prison uniform, a small heap of used teabags, and the white cliffs of Dover.

TOP BANTER Altered footage was assembled, using a team of Californian CGI artists, of the Mayor appearing to perform the following comedic routines: a rambling and repetitive Stewart Lee monologue about shoelaces, Michael Mc Intyre drunkenly failing to seduce a 17 year old in an Edinburgh dive bar, the Socialist Workers Party Disputes Committee’s proceedings against Comrade Delta, and Hitler’s speech before the Reichstag of July 13th 1934.

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Evaluations were given on a five-point mythological and meta-narratival scale, descending from , considered the question to be metaphorical, or begged to be released.

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