Full disclosure: I am technically a 'unicorn' myself.
As a poly bi woman with no formal primary partnership, I am hypothetically open to dating a couple (though the 'exclusive' part isn't for me).
Crystal Farmer writes us,"[Black & Poly founder] Ron Young asked me to be the editor for the Black & Poly blog.
In addition to this, if you’re going to go to online discussion groups to look for partners, be careful.
Okay, either you’re single or you’ve got your primary relationship solid. All of these places have well-established polyamory communities, and I can vouch at least one or two of the people in each city are moderately sane and have been poly long enough to have grown a grain of sense . Ok Cupid and Poly Matchmaker are both poly friendly and in the interests of disclosure, I’ve met someone on a dating site before. Even so, don’t be so damn goal-oriented all the bloody time! You want to try this new and wonderful lifestyle, and let’s be frank, some hot sex would be just awfully cool. But, mostly you’re not going to find good relationships playing the numbers game on poly online boards with a relationship scattershot.
You’re centered in loving each other, you’re communicating great. I don’t know about you, but I don’t live in any of those cities. You’ll probably get laid with this strategy, but if that’s mostly what you’re looking for, a sex club might be better. I’m not of the “Swinger is superior to poly” school of thought by any means.
But how many times in my 20 years of dating have I actually met and fallen for two people who were also into each other at exactly the same time? As many folks who read my blog know, it is mostly used as a repository for essays on topics that I encounter repeatedly. Everywhere poly and interested folk gather, I hear the refrain “Why is it so hard for us to find the perfect woman to date us both? Finding one single woman (or man*) to date as a couple is many many many times harder than finding a different partner for each of you.
I've been writing this essay over about three years, adding a tiny little bit every time I see some new person ask the same question, and if you scroll down you'll see it's a pretty long essay. ” often followed up with some sort of comment to the effect of “There's two of us, so that should make it easier, right? And if we look at the finding-a-date process step by step, the numbers will tell you why.
Whatever you look like, if your reaction on walking into a room is to look around and count how many people look like you, it's an uncomfortable room.