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Was this onscreen peepshow a preview of Lovelace films to come? James’ “romance” novel, but the content that is unavoidably and paramountly referred to is simply taboo and needless to say, naked.

This suggestion seems entirely extreme, but think of the “housewife’s guilty pleasure” coming to theaters this Valentine’s Day…. Join me in wondering how director Sam Taylor-Wood will pull this off (oh, pun).

One contestant is faced with six coloured boxes, inside each of which stands a naked person.

Already this year we have been subjected to ITV2’s Love Island, in which one couple copulated in broad daylight while other contestants commented on their love-making technique. From every angle, but especially the one that allows participants to assess the sexual organs of their six would-be dates, Naked Attraction is utterly ghastly, and depressingly degrading.

And before the contestant makes their final choice, they have to get naked too. It’s also LGBT-friendly: one contestant has a mix of guys and gals to choose from.

To dress it all up in some kind of legitimacy, Richardson regularly digresses into pseudo-scientific facts about human sexuality (“studies suggest” that women prefer girth over length); the programme bangs on about how “the clothes we wear can get in the way”; and the prospective dates keep telling themselves that “this is an empowering experience”, “I feel like I’ve achieved something massive here” and “this is good”. It’s a bunch of naked people having their scrotums scrutinised and their vulvas value-judged. Whether they’re desperate for a date, or just desperate to be on TV is hard to tell.

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Or seeing your date naked immediately and spending the day staring at his sad little limp dick?

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